Don’t betray your heart

I believe that if you want to have a family, you are meant to have a family, and not having that family is a betrayal of your heart.

If you get caught up in the struggle to have a family, and ascribe negative meaning to that struggle, it can take you down the wrong path. Maybe you feel like you are not “meant to be a parent”, that you should feel grateful with what you have, or perhaps you have come to believe that you need to have a child “naturally”.

If you had an illness, would you refuse medicine? If you broke a bone, would you wear a cast or let it heal on its own? If your teeth were crooked, would you refuse to fix them? If you would accept medical intervention for these things, why wouldn’t you accept the treatment that provides you with the best chance of having a healthy baby? This may mean IVF, or donor conception, and while those options may not be your first choices, they can be great choices.

We all know what it is like to feel connected to our hearts. Perhaps you love to play music or dance. Maybe you feel your most content with your best friend, or when you are hugging your partner. When something seems wrong, you feel that too. Not when something merely feels difficult, like ten more sit ups or studying for an exam, but when it just does not feel right. We have all had those feelings with friends, relationships or jobs. Maybe we just don’t feel like we can trust someone, or feel more and more drained every day at a job we don’t like. When you want a family, your body tells you. Some people know it their whole lives, and others need their lives to feel “secure” or to reach some milestone in order to be open to their other desires.

When you feel it, you need listen to your heart.

I am not suggesting that you should not allow yourself to feel the loss of the family you hoped for. In fact, grieving can help you heal from the loss of a dream and allow you to be open to new possibilities. But grief does not need to be the end of the story. It can be a new beginning.

Some people decide that the struggle is the end of their story. Perhaps having genetically linked children are the only children they desire. Or maybe the struggle is just too much.

People who feel this way must honor their feelings too.

If your heart longs for a family, however, it is important to get the help you need to grieve your losses and to endure treatment so you can build the family of your dreams. It may not be the family you first imagined you would have but it can be a wonderful family, and it will be your family. If your heart is waiting to feel full, don’t betray it.

Reach out to us any time. We are here to help you make your journey easier.