Secondary Infertility, Self-Advocacy, and Giving Yourself Options: Margarita’s Story

When most people imagine growing their family, they assume the second baby will come more easily than the first.

For many, that’s not what happens.

Secondary infertility can feel especially confusing and lonely. You already have a child, but month after month your period arrives, and the grief is layered with guilt:

“I should be grateful… why do I feel this devastated?”

That’s where Margarita found herself at 25.

Living in Colorado, far from her family in Maryland, she longed for a second child and watched her cycle come, again and again. Her son missed his extended family. She felt guilty she couldn’t give him the sibling they both wanted.

Every month felt like another private heartbreak.

Years later, Margarita would become a leader in the world of egg banking, eventually serving as VP of Commercial Growth at Fairfax Egg Bank.

But before she helped thousands of intended parents, she was just a young woman wondering why her body wasn’t doing what she thought it “should.”

Her experience shaped the way she shows up for patients now. She knows what it’s like to sit in that uncertainty.

Why Self-Advocacy Matters

On the Building Your Family podcast, Margarita and I talked about something I’ve seen again and again over decades in this field:

There are moments when the guidance you’re receiving doesn’t quite sit right.

Maybe you feel rushed.
Maybe your questions are brushed aside.
Maybe you’re being told to “just keep trying” when you know something more is going on.

Those feelings are important.

They’re not overreactions. They’re data.

Margarita’s story is a reminder to keep asking for more answers. To ask follow-up questions. To request testing. To seek another opinion when you’re not being heard.

Self-advocacy isn’t about being difficult; it’s about protecting your future options.

Donor Conception Is One Path, Not the Only Path

For some people, even after doing everything possible with their own eggs or sperm, pregnancy still doesn’t happen.

At that point, some will choose donor conception. Others won’t.

Both choices are valid.

What matters most is that you gave yourself room to choose — that you weren’t so depleted, uninformed, or out of time that the decision was made for you by circumstances.

That’s why proactive planning and support matter.

Egg banking, donor conception, or continuing to try with your own gametes are all serious, personal decisions.

You deserve the time, information, and emotional bandwidth to make the choice that fits you.

Taking Care of Yourself So You Can Keep Going

To stay in a position of choice, you need enough energy and clarity to keep moving forward.

That means:

• Using stress-reduction tools so every setback doesn’t completely wipe you out
• Finding community so you don’t feel like you’re carrying this alone
• Filling your cup regularly — with rest, connection, and activities that remind you who you are outside of appointments and test results

When you support your nervous system and surround yourself with people who understand, you’re better able to notice when guidance doesn’t feel right, ask the extra questions, and keep doors open instead of closing them out of exhaustion.

Margarita’s journey through her own secondary infertility and into her work at Fairfax Egg Bank is a powerful example of what can emerge when you stay curious, keep advocating for yourself, and allow your story to shape how you support others.

You may or may not choose donor conception. You may or may not grow your family in the way you originally imagined.

But when you’re informed, supported, and resourced, you’re far more likely to look back and feel:

“I made the best decisions I could, with what I knew, for myself and my family.”