Are you being honest with yourself?
The fertility journey is difficult… there is no doubt about it. There are so many reasons why it’s difficult, but one of the primary reasons is because your heart wants one thing and life is giving you something else. How many places in your life are you not in alignment with yourself?
Sometimes we do everything we think we are supposed to do in life, but we still feel out of sync with ourselves. Changing everything in your life may not be possible, or at least not all at once, but some things may be possible to change.
Here are some questions to ponder:
- Do you feel good about where you are going on your family building journey? Or is there something you want to change about your donor choice, pace of treatment, the way you communicate about it with others?
- Do you feel connected to your loved ones, or are you feeling lonely, disconnected or tense?
- Are you feeling good about your career, or now that you are going through a big life change, are you re-assessing your career goals?
I am not encouraging you to work harder, make more money or even have a bigger family if those are not your goals. I am suggesting that sometimes going through life transitions can open us up so we can step back and take another look at our life and be honest with ourselves about what feels right for us. What is it that we ultimately want? Are there things or feelings you yearn for that are not fulfilled?
Martha Beck, a well-known author and speaker, suggests there are four ultimate desires:
Are you doing things every day that will lead to these feelings? Do you have enough of these feelings in your life? Are you making choices that, even if they don’t bring you fully to these feelings, will give you more of these feelings?
Family building is a big moment in time for most people and fertility treatment can be a monumental experience. In your day-to-day life it is easy to get busy with your to do lists and often lose yourself in the process. Why not take this opportunity when everything is intense, and often clearer, to step back and try to be as honest with what you want in your life?
This may be a difficult task and it may take time to find answers. You can ask yourself a question before meditation, take long walks or explore this with a therapist. We are glad to help you on this journey.
No one wants family building to be complicated, difficult or expensive. However, the silver lining to the fertility cloud may be even better than you expected. It may take some time and some work, but committing to the task of exploring your heart and getting closer to yourself can give you joys beyond parenting.
We never know where life will lead us, but during the process of family building, we have the opportunity to build a family and be true to ourselves.