A helpful resolution for New Year’s resolutions
Many people make resolutions and then struggle to carry them out. How many people do you know who say, “I’m going to work out every week”, “I’m going to embrace healthy eating”, or even, “I am going to start fertility treatment”? These are all great and worthwhile ideas, but often resolutions are not carried through. Often, they end up on a good intentioned “to do” list, year after year. I suggest this year you think of your resolutions a bit differently.
Instead of making a “to do” list, why not make a results list? What would that look like? Picture the results in your mind. Flesh out that picture to include why you want it, how it will change your life and how you will feel when you get there.
Give yourself visual reminders of your result. You can put pictures on your bathroom mirror of a fit person enjoying life, or make a vision board with pictures of a healthy energetic person, or a happy family that looks like the family you wish to create. Then put those pictures in places where you will see them every day, and write quotes on your bulletin board, or tape a note to your desk with your results list.
Your result is your north star. When you map backwards from your result, you will find “to do” lists. These lists may get you where you want to go, but the most important part of your resolution is your result because it will keep you focused on what is most important, regardless of the path you end up taking. Focusing on the result, instead of the journey can also leave you open to other options and prevent you from getting mired in the details or taken off track.
Why is this important? Because we can never know what the future will bring, but if we keep our eye on what is important, we are more likely to achieve our goal. Perhaps, we want to eat healthy food and decide to become a vegetarian, but it becomes too difficult and we give up. If healthy eating is our end result, however, we may find another way. Perhaps it will occur to us that eating organic food, or not eating processed food makes more sense for us.
And what about family building? If our goal is a happy family and treatment is not working well, we may see other options in a way we wouldn’t otherwise. Donor conception and surrogacy are rarely a first choice, and when the goal is to pursue IVF, anything but a positive outcome can be devastating. If we remember that a happy family is our goal, we may notice a video or an article about another family building option that piques our interest.
I am not suggesting that all family building options are right for everyone. Everyone needs to find the path that is right for them. But if we can focus on the result, we may find that a different path than we expected can lead us to the same goal.
An added benefit to this exercise is that focusing on a result can bring more optimism and enthusiasm to your mood. When you have a dream in your field of vision there is hope. Lists can feel like chores or drudgery. Focusing on a result can provide a sense of agency because you are not being thrown around by the problems you confront on your path. When one path doesn’t work, often there is an option for another path that just needs to be found. And feeling a sense of agency is more enlivening than feeling like you are the recipient of life happening “to” you.
So why not give it a try? If you need some help, feel free to reach out to us any time.
Were here to make your journey easier.
Wishing you a great 2022 and may all of your results come true!